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Mating in Captivity
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When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different? In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have.
Mating in Captivity: A Memoir by Helen Zuman — Kickstarter
Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling.
Ever watch a child run away to explore and then run right back to make sure that Mom and Dad are still there? Little Sammy needs to feel secure in order to go into the world and discover; and once he has satisfied his need for exploration, he wants to go back to his safe base to reconnect. All living things require: alternating periods of growth and equilibrium.
Passion in a relationship is commensurate with the amount of uncertainty you can tolerate. But for many of us, renouncing the illusion of safety, and accepting the reality of our fundamental insecurity proves to be a difficult step. His kindness makes me feel safe , but when I think about who I want to sleep with, safe is not what I look for . Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life .
When he comes on to me forcefully, it makes me feel sexy.
It heightens the tension. Mordechai Gafni, a scholar of Jewish mysticism, explains that fantasies are like mirrors. We hold them in front of us in order to see what is behind. We spot images of ourselves that are otherwise inaccessible.